Friday, November 27, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I am self-destructing. Even though I know what I have to do, I don't do it. Like the wires that connect my body to the command centre of my entire mechanism has somehow corroded like the gasoline line in old Guadajahara and it's only a matter of time before I spontaneously combust.
I've always thought it miraculous that I've managed to survive in TOA for this long. I'm not particularly gifted in the arts, and neither do my interests rest solely in that area.
When Jeff told me to be ready to sacrifice a few hobbies, I stubbornly refused to listen and merely tried to incorporate all the extra work into my current style of living. I didn't want to give up anything. Not Church, not reading, not writing, not watching documentaries, not creating new worlds in my head whenever I zone out.
But as a result, I can't get everything done on time. And as the weeks drag by, I'm starting to realise that I won't be able to make it. At some point, I'm going to break. It might be this semester; although there's only a coupla weeks left, I already felt so stretched out. Or perhaps next semester which would undoubtedly be harder than this one. I'm not looking forward to the increased amount of painting I'd have to face.
And the number one thing that gets to me now is that I haven't been able to see Ming in quite a while. I used to visit her every week but because I'm constantly rushing acryclic paintings or cartoon character designs this semester, I only see her one every two weeks at best. I want to celebrate the end of her A-levels with her. I want to goof around together and take funny photos, and generally spend time with her before she flies off to Singapore this year.
I hate the backlog of work I've inadvertently accumulated for myself in my foolishness. I hate myself right now. I wish someone would punch me in the face and give me a proper wake-up call.